Unusual Eclipse Watching Tips

Over on yon Facebook, there was this list of eclipse watching tips floating about. Some of it was pretty funny and so I reshared the list. I've been trying to trace the origins of these tips to something other than the original poster (OP) but I'm only catching glimmers of where these started. For all I know, it's the OP himself who made all these up, in which case, bravo!

These tips were obviously meant to amuse, but it does highlight the fact that truly strange things do happen during solar eclipses. Weirder still, some of what the OP wrote, does touch on reality. Some of the things the post mentions are of specific importance. Specifically, these involve plants, animals, and the potential meeting of your double. Yes, doppelgängers are a thing. Werewolves, however, are not real, so no need to worry about that.

So, having giggled at the original post, let me share a few things that should concern you as you prepare for this wondrous spectacle, courtesy of Mother Nature.

First, beware of any flora (that means plants) that suddenly sprout during the eclipse. They may look perfectly normal except for the fact that they pop up, fully grown, in seconds. If the plant starts whispering secrets, or offering stock market advice, you’ve stumbled upon an interdimensional plant. Or Loki. Or Kokopelli. If you plan on picking this plant, wear gloves. Handle with care! And remember, past performance is no guarantee of future returns.

Keep an eye out for your doppelgänger. Trust me. They do exist. If you spot someone who looks exactly like you but claims to be from a parallel universe, strike up a conversation. You might learn the secrets of time travel over a cup of coffee. Or tea, if you're into that sort of thing. Fun fact: while chatting with your double, you exist in a small, mostly stable time bubble, meaning you get extra time to enjoy the eclipse. Take notes. Also, take lots of pictures.

Many animals do, in fact, gain the ability to speak during an eclipse. Don't panic! This is an exciting and time-limited opportunity to strike up a conversation with a non-human species. Have you ever wondered what your cat, dog, or budgie is telling you? What about those birds hanging around the feeder? What are they saying to each other? And why is the neighbor's dog always barking at you? Is he trying to get a message to you? Maybe have some questions ready, just in case. Write them down before. Remember, you only have about 3 minutes.

You already know that the roads are going to be insane during the eclipse. People will drive, or fly, crazy distances to view the eclipse. People love this stuff! You know who else loves this stuff? Aliens! That's who. And they'll travel light years to see a decent eclipse. Earth does great eclipses. So, set up a picnic blanket before totality. Aliens also love picnics, almost as much as they love eclipses. Serve them cheese (you know, because of the moon), starfruit (a galactic delicacy and oddly common to most planets), and a refreshing gin and tonic (Douglas Adams knew his stuff when it came to aliens).

When the sun disappears (don't worry, it will come back), you may hear music coming from seemingly everywhere, all at once. This is the pan-dimensional DJ, Zorakan Litta Bit 10 (I know, weird name). Start a conga line. Do the Time Warp. You know, like in the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack.

Dance like nobody’s watching. Bonus points if you moonwalk during totality. Fun fact. You can also do this at any other time. An eclipse is not necessary for this kind of behaviour. You will, however, have to provide your own music as Zorakan's music cannot be heard except during totality.

If you lose track of time during the eclipse, I'll say it again; don’t panic! You’ve probably slipped into one of the many time portals that will open up. Enjoy the extra minutes—maybe you’ll meet a friendly time-traveling T Rex. Fun fact. This happened to me once, many years ago, but in my case, I lost an hour. And there was no T Rex to be seen. Missed the boat back to the mainland and had to rent an overnight room in the Bahamas. I know. Could have been worse. If you don't believe me, ask my friend, Chris Kelly. He'll vouch for me on this one because he was with me when it happened.

Oh, also, there was no eclipse at the time.

What about you? Do you have any important eclipse tips or experiences to share? Leave me, and the rest of humanity, and the aliens, a comment below.